When I Stopped Chasing

Medium

Acrylic on canvas

Dimensions

48"H × 36"W

Year

2026

For so long, I believed that love and acceptance came from how much I chased people or how often I sought validation. Growing up was quite tough, and as someone who was single-handedly raised, I was scared that my situation would define me. I sought and begged to be seen, and I kept proving myself to people who never truly saw or cared about me. At some point, I started feeling less of myself. The illusion of who I wanted people to see began eating away at my confidence. I would get angry whenever I visited friends and family with both parents. I even reopened my mother's old wounds because, in my mind, it was her fault. How could she choose to raise me alone when there were other choices? Even though she wasn't the reason for my pain. In all of this, little did I know that I was only chasing the illusion of who I craved to become while neglecting the person I was meant to grow into. Recently, I was invited to a gathering with the same people I had been performing for and shrinking myself around. We went to a popular garden, and a thought suddenly struck me. I saw butterflies buzzing and dancing around a particular flower. At that moment, the why came to me—that persistent voice whispered, "If you had been that flower all along, you would have found peace. Instead of chasing butterflies, why don't you simply plant a garden filled with flowers?" This piece is the metaphorical expression of my journey. The different, colorful female portrait represents how much of myself I have given away. The garden surrounding her symbolizes my potential and originality after I stopped chasing and performing for the wrong audience. The golden butterflies represent everything I thought would complete me—love, affection, family, and a deep sense of belonging—which were finally drawn to the beautiful garden I had cultivated, where my life had already begun to flourish. This body of work is a reminder to me, and to every woman who has tiptoed, chased, and walked on a double-edged sword just to feel seen and accepted: plant a garden, and your butterflies will come— irrespective of where you are.